faith

Yesterday afternoon Martin asked me if I wanted to come and play a little football (that's soccer for you Yanks) before dinner at the Halle. I said sure. So I went over there and he and Roeloff took turns shooting on me as I attempted to keep goal. Martin shoots very hard. I was able to stop some, but a couple I didn't even attempt. At one point I stopped one with my right foot. The ball bounced off and was immediately followed by a shooting pain up my ankle, knee, and even into my thigh.

dang.

I couldn't put any weight on my foot at all. Martin helped me across the floor, through the net and down to a sitting position on the ledge, while I attempted to rest it a bit. Walking it off didn't help either. So basically I was in pain that afternoon. I walked back to the Villa - ok - I limped back to the Villa before dinner, and decided not to even attempt to walk back to the Halle to eat. So I stayed in the Cafe preparing a few things for breakfast. At this point Ben pokes his head in and asks if I would mind doing dishes for him since he was really not feeling well and wanted to go back to the apartments to sleep. I told him I would, and started working dishes when they were delivered to the Cafe. By the end of the night I was in tears with the amount of pain. It took me about 5 minutes to walk the 20 meters from the Cafe door to the Wohnung door.

Then was the excruciating part - climbing into my top bunk. None of my roommates were home, so I was on my own. I grabbed some paper towels and a water bottle in preparation for my getting up there. Once I made it up, I prayed.

And I continued to pray.

And weep.

God, how am I supposed to serve You here if I can't even walk?
Why was I so stupid that I tried to play sports as clumsy as I am?
Please take the pain...

There's a sign on the inside of the Wohnung that says something along the lines of "Faith is not believing that God can, but knowing that He will." I wanted to ask God to heal me. I couldn't bring myself to ask Him to.
Why?
Because I don't have enough faith. I kept going back and forth with myself. What if it is God's will to heal me? What if it isn't? Can I ask Him to do this or should I just wait it out?

Silly, I know.

I finally prayed that God would heal me. This morning I woke up with no pain, only stiffness in my right leg. I stretched that out this morning when I had 20 minutes off from my duties. My leg is 100%. I may even run on Saturday morning.

Faith.

I didn't even have a mustard seed last night and look what He gave me.