I have just ended a relationship that I have had for a year and a half. I learned so much from this relationship about my Lord Jesus Christ and His Word.
This is my official Fare-Well to Chuck Smith, as I have just finished Revelation 22 in my Chuck Tracks. Praise Jesus I am done!
While listening to Chuck's right now, a thought crossed my mind. I'm in Hebrews 3....
Chuck was talking about the people being unwilling to accept God's promises and that they would never enter into His rest. I don't know why, but I just thought this: 'What if my spiritual life right now was the highest it will ever be?'
That thought made me think.
I am to be ever growing in God and getting to know Him better every day. But right now I'm immersed in the Word. I am hearing teachings ever day and living in a Christian community. What happens when I leave this place? When I go back to the 'real world?' I pray that I will continue to study His word and be faithful to the calling to which I was called. I don't want to be at my spiritual peak, so to speak.
Pray for me, that I will continue in the things of the Lord and that my relationship with Him will become more intimate day by day.
YSIC
Stephanie
[[A Psalm of David.]] Hear my prayer, O LORD, give ear to my supplications: in thy faithfulness answer me, [and] in thy righteousness.
And enter not into judgment with thy servant: for in thy sight shall no man living be justified.
For the enemy hath persecuted my soul; he hath smitten my life down to the ground; he hath made me to dwell in darkness, as those that have been long dead.
Therefore is my spirit overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is desolate.
I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy hands.
I stretch forth my hands unto thee: my soul [thirsteth] after thee, as a thirsty land. Selah.
Hear me speedily, O LORD: my spirit faileth: hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto them that go down into the pit.
Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.
Deliver me, O LORD, from mine enemies: I flee unto thee to hide me.
Teach me to do thy will; for thou [art] my God: thy spirit [is] good; lead me into the land of uprightness.
Quicken me, O LORD, for thy name's sake: for thy righteousness' sake bring my soul out of trouble.
And of thy mercy cut off mine enemies, and destroy all them that afflict my soul: for I [am] thy servant.
The word of God is ALIVE!!!! <--- that is all that I wrote in my journal for today. I decided to write the rest here.
Ok, confession time. Over the summer, I rarely did devotions. And since I came back here, again, rarely. Today is the first time in a week that I have opened my Bible on my own. And this is what God gave me. Psalm 143. It is exactly how I have been feeling -- especially today, but I have been feeling it to some deree for a while.
v_1 "[[A Psalm of David.]] Hear my prayer, O LORD, give ear to my supplications: in thy faithfulness answer me, [and] in thy righteousness."
A king is writing this. A man after God's own heart is writing these words. He wrote them probably about 4 thousand years ago (no, I don't know the date of the Davidic reign so I could be way off) and yet, because he was inspired by the Holy Spirit and wrote down the words of God, this psalm speaks to my heart on a deep level tonight. I cry out to God, hear me! I love how David does not apply to his own worth to 'plead his case' before God. David doesn't say 'God, You know that I am a man after Your own heart. You see all the wonderful things that I do for You, how I am leading Your people in righteousness and in truth. So, answer me! Hear me!'
No.
David appeals to God's character. His attributes. 'Lord, because You are faithful, because You are righteous, hear me!' So often I find myself trying to relate to God on the basis of my works. It has become more obvious over the past few weeks that that is how I have tried to relate to God for a long time. It is like, I would see His grace in others and say 'wow, that's great, God, that You can still accept them as bad as they are. I'm so happy that You didn't have to use that much grace on me.' My response NOW to my thoughts at that time? 'What a shame.' What is God's grace? I don't know that I fully understand it. I don't know that I ever will fully understand it. I know that a year and a half ago, I started viewing myself through the grace of God. Kind of. I had been in sin for so long that I thought it was impossible for God to truly love me anymore. But He gave me grace, and I believed in that grace and accepted it.
But.
Then, for some reason (Satan + my flesh) I started becoming self-righteous. You know what that's like -- 'I'm better than this person because I never _____________.' (fill in blank with a horrible sin...) And then I started looking down on my brothers and sisters because they had at one point done something terrible. I forget that my measuring stick, my plumb line, is not other people -- not even other Christians. It is Christ Himself. That is who I am measured against. And we all fail miserably when measured against Him. Right now in my life, I feel like God is telling me to relate to Him based on what He has done, not on what I have done. So I ask Him to hear me, based on His faithfulness and His righteousness.
v_2 "And enter not into judgment with thy servant: for in thy sight shall no man living be justified."
Here's what David wanted God to listen to - 'please don't send judgment on me. I know that no one will ever be justified in your sight, but I'm asking for mercy.' David basically says that he knows that God has every right to kill him on the spot for his transgressions, but he is asking God to be merciful. Again, this is where I am right now. 'Lord, please, don't send judgment right now. I heard You, I know that what I am doing and how I am living is sinful. Help me see myself and others through Your grace. Help me to not try and come to You with my inadequate offering of fruits and vegetables (cf Genesis 4) but to come to You sprinkled in the blood of Your Son.'
v_3,4 "For the enemy hath persecuted my soul; he hath smitten my life down to the ground; he hath made me to dwell in darkness, as those that have been long dead. Therefore is my spirit overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is desolate."
David is in distress and under attacks from Satan. I think it is interesting that David does say 'the' enemy as opposed to 'my' enemies, which we normally see in the Psalms. This is what makes me think he really is talking about Satan and a spiritual attack instead of a physical one. When I am not relating to God on correct terms, it is easier to fall away. And when I get to the outskirts of camp, it is easier for Satan to come and pluck me off. I really felt that today. I had no classes, so I just came back from devo's and did an hour and a half of M1 and then.... Nothing. I did no homework, nothing productive at all. In the afternoon I went and bought a backpack and did my laundry. But as I sat here on my bed playing online, I felt heavy. Restless, but lazy. No peace whatsoever. So I went down to the cafe to get a cup of (decaff) coffee. Robin was working coffee bar and thank God, she recognized that what I was experiencing was spiritual oppression. She prayed with me and I was going to come back up here and sing some worship and read my Bible, but I ended up playing online again. Still restless. So I put on some Chris Rice instrumental hymns to listen to. When "Fairest Lord Jesus" came on, I couldn't remember the lyrics, so I looked them up online. I started singing along with the song, and soon I had peace. Peace because I had put my eyes back where they belong -- on Him. Then I opened up my Bible and *Wham* Psalm 143. Now I'm writing this. David felt like he was already in hell, in darkness. But he trusted in God.
v_5 "I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy hands."
David here is remembering the things that he used to do. The things that God has already done through him, in him, and for him. Ever wonder how the adult David rememberd Goliath? David mused on the work of God's hands. Muse means think. He ponders the work of God's hands. The things that God makes do not die. Ok, yes, they die, but they renew themselves. Hunh? Ok. Trees make more trees. Animals make more animals. Plants make more plants. Humans make more humans. The things that God makes are eternal, to some degree. The things that man makes are VERY temperal. Cars do not make more cars. Buildings do not make more buildings. Computers do not make more computers. Very simple. That is ONE way to prove God's superiority. But just one way. It is so much better for me to think about the things that God has made, and to ponder those things than the simple, silly everyday things that I tend to ponder. Much better.
v_6 "I stretch forth my hands unto thee: my soul [thirsteth] after thee, as a thirsty land. Selah."
David is reaching out to God. He truly is longing for God. I am kind of doing this. I am longing for the FEELING of being close to Him, but I forget the reality that, because I am His child, I AM close to Him. God gave us feelings, but we should never rely on them as a gas gauge. My feelings don't tell me where my relationship with God is. They tell me how I feel, and that is all. I need to be anchored in His Word to know about my relationship with God. This is what I am doing. I am honestly reaching out to God and asking Him to draw me closer to Him. But does my soul thirst for God? Do I wake up craving Him every morning? I get really thirsty at night. I'll drink about half a liter of water before I go to bed, and the other half as soon as I wake up. Unless I wake up in the middle of the night and drink it, that is. But I don't thirst for Him. And this is the one that David wants us to think about (Selah).
v_7 "Hear me speedily, O LORD: my spirit faileth: hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto them that go down into the pit."
David is human. Thank God for that! He does not feel like God is listening to him right now. He feels like God is ignoring him. God never ignores His children, but it is comforting to know that others feel like that. Because I know that I feel that way sometimes. Again, my relationship is NOT built on feelings!!! But one really cool thing that David realizes here - those who do not have a relationship with God go to hell.
v_8 "Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee."
David asked God to show him His lovingkindness. In the morning. I think that is so significant! God should be the first thing in the day for me. I wake up and praise God for another day to worship Him. How often that is not the case! David trust's in God. That is such a small statement but I feel it is the root of all of my problems with God. I don't trust Him the way I should. I say that I trust Him for the basic needs of my life: food, clothing, water, air to breathe. But do I trust Him for the 'big' things in life: a husband, a career, a ministry, a family. To God, there is no difference. He is my Father and wants to bless me. Like I said, my 'problems' with God all stem from my lack of faith in Him, my lack of trust in Him. But David is asking God to show him how to walk. Why? Because he already gave his soul to God. Now he wants to know what to do, now that his life is no longer his own.
v_9 "Deliver me, O LORD, from mine enemies: I flee unto thee to hide me."
Again, David recognizes that God is the one who delivers him from his enemies. Here, though, David does say "my enemies" and so he is referring to the earthly, physical enemies.
v_10 "Teach me to do thy will; for thou [art] my God: thy spirit [is] good; lead me into the land of uprightness."
David obviously understands that he cannot teach himself in the ways of God. God must teach us. He must be the instructor in His ways. When I read God's Word, His Word is teaching me. When I listen to someone else teach, His Holy Spirit is teaching me. When I pray, I am asking the teacher one-on-one for help with my homework. I cannot teach myself in the things of the Lord. Only He can teach me. I need Him to lead me and guide me. When God leads, He leads me into the land of uprightness. God leads me to be holy, set apart for Him and to Him.
v_11 "Quicken me, O LORD, for thy name's sake: for thy righteousness' sake bring my soul out of trouble."
David asks God to quicken him - to make him alive - for His own glory. David askes God to glorify Himself. When God gives me strength or refreshes my spirit, He is bringing glory to Himself. Why? Because others see me, and know that there is NO POSSIBLE WAY that I could be that way on my own. Yet I am that way - I am joyful in a difficult situation. When they ask, and I tell them that God has given me the strength, He is glorified. Because God is righteous, he will bring our souls out of trouble. Not if He is chastening us or allowing us to go through trials to prove our faithfulness (so we will know where our loyalties lie), but He will not let us suffer beyond what we can bear.
v_12 "And of thy mercy cut off mine enemies, and destroy all them that afflict my soul: for I [am] thy servant."
God is merciful. Right now, my enemies are my own flesh and my mind. They are keeping me from doing the things that God would have me do. I need God to cut off my enemies. I need God to refresh my mind and renew my spirit so that I can begin again in His love. I need God to refine me. But that includes trials, and fire, and dross. I must allow Him to place me in trials so that I will be refined. But more importantly, I MUST allow Him to draw off the dross. If I do not let Him do this final step, all is in vain. In my stubborness I try to hold onto the dross and say that it is a part of who I am. Maybe it was a part of the old me, but the new me is simply Christ. Because He is dwelling in me, I must allow Him to feel at home, to dwell in my heart. He will not feel at home with all the stuff I hold in here.
Lord, draw off the dross, burn the chaff, and teach me to know You. Teach me to draw close to You and to seek Your face. To crave Your presence and to desire to read Your Word. Jesus, I want to know you. Not just know about You, but to have a deep and personal relationship with You. Teach me!
